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the sun outside my window decieves me.
my plan was to lay on the boston common and read for the afternoon.
but it is barely above freezing outside, though the sunshine looks so inviting.


that’s my sunday, i hope.

but i must say there is something deep in me longing for more.
brought on by moody fall music, a trip to the midwest and missing friends far away.
feeling older and wanting less ties and more travel and yet at the same time craving community in a way i never have before.

and yet still not finding it.

i feel as though my community is made up of friends scattered around the globe, keeping in touch only through the lonely phone calls, occasional emails and gchats. yet they are the people who have walked through everything with me. if only we were truly side by side.

visiting cassie last weekend made my heart long to be with a best friend to sit with me, and pray and laugh and be silly and serious in the same breath, and to hold my hand through this whole healing process.

i hope.

and i wait.

i will be free.