What our daily struggles are like:
I don’t know what to do in regards to a job. I’m finding things I could do. For more hours and less pay than nannying. But they are more office type admin things, and nothing that lifts my heart in anyway, nor seems to be what God would have. We are praying for a job on this side of the city with youth or women. We’ve decided to keep with nannying until we find that type of a job, rather than getting tied into another ho-hum-drum all-for-naught job. The problem is non-profits are letting people go, not hiring. So we will see.
There is also taking classes at Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary’s urban campus here. We’re pinching our pennies so we can afford to start classes late spring/early summer. Joel would like to take at least one and I’m planning on taking two in the counseling track. The more we see the issues his kids deal with every day, and the lack of resources when it come to actually dealing with things and having healing, the more I see the need for Christian counselors. These kids really don’t have access to counseling period. They have their guidance counselors at school but are unwilling to open up to them – or their social worker – or their parolel officer. Joel and his co-worker have been staying after work later and later to talk to kids, but feel totally over their heads. Two weeks ago they taught on addictions and brought up pornography as an addiction, and also used it as a way to teach the kids that by consuming they were perpetuating the cycle – the basic supply-demand law. That’s as deep as they thought they would go. Over the past few days, one by one, 6 out of the 8 have come to them expressing sex addiction stemmed from abuse from a young age and/or having been filmed for money and/or having sex with an adult for money.
It’s overwhelming. And emotionally exhausting. He is doing very well building up the program (he just presented it to the Federal district judges and prosecuting attorneys because they are considering providing funding and eventually have it replicated around the country – and this just 6 months after his starting the Boston branch) I’m worried he will burn out.
Any tension between us often stems from the fact that he is emotionally spent and exhausted by the end of the day, and I am ready to engage and talk and pray and plan life. And also that I have a twinge of jealousy in my heart, that his day is so fulfilling. And mine is so not.